Grief isn’t just about losing a loved one. For millions living with chronic illness, injury, pain, disability, or neurodivergence, grief is an ongoing, deeply personal journey. It’s the ache for the life you once knew, the dreams you had, and the everyday moments that now look different. And it’s a journey that doesn’t follow a straight line and sometimes, it feels like a rollercoaster with no clear end.
But here’s the truth: experiencing grief in the face of health challenges is a sign of love for yourself and your life. It’s proof that your dreams, your body, and your identity matter. And while grief may never fully disappear, you can learn to ride its waves and find hope, meaning, and even joy again.
The Emotional Ride: Grief Isn’t Linear
Forget what you’ve heard about “moving on.” Grief with chronic conditions or disability is unpredictable. You might feel acceptance one day, only to be swept back into anger, sadness, or confusion the next. And that’s normal.
- Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
- Pleading/Bargaining: “If I just try harder, maybe things will get better.”
- Anger: “Why me? It’s not fair.”
- Anxiety/Depression: “I’m scared for my future. Will I ever feel like myself again?”
- Loss of Self/Confusion: “Who am I now?”
- Acceptance: “This is my reality, and I can still find meaning.”
You may jump between these stages, skip some, or revisit others – sometimes all in a single week. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve.
Why Does Grief Last So Long?
Unlike other losses, chronic conditions and disability are constant reminders. Every new symptom, doctor’s appointment, or change in ability can trigger fresh waves of grief. This is sometimes called “chronic sorrow,” an ongoing process of mourning the life you had, while adapting to the life you have.
The Science Behind Grief Models
Classic models like Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) helped us name our feelings. But newer models recognize that grief is more complex and cyclical, especially with health issues. Dr. Jennifer Martin’s seven-stage model for chronic illness includes denial, pleading, anger, anxiety/depression, loss of self, confusion, and acceptance: each stage reflecting the unique challenges of ongoing health struggles.
The Dual Process Model suggests we oscillate between confronting our grief and focusing on daily life, sometimes needing to “relearn the world” and find new meaning after loss.
Why Grief Means You Love Yourself
Grief isn’t weakness. It’s a testament to your love for your body, your dreams, and your identity. You grieve because you care deeply about your life and your future. Allow yourself to feel it, then use that love as fuel for healing and adaptation.
Strategies to Ride the Waves
- Name Your Feelings: Journaling or talking with a trusted friend can help you process shifting emotions.
- Find Your People: Support groups (online or in-person) remind you that you’re not alone.
- Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend in pain.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Every act of self-care or moment of joy is a victory.
- Seek Professional Help: Therapists, counselors, or peer support lines (like the Chronic Illness Hotline launching soon!) can provide tools and validation.
- Allow Hope: Even in grief, hope can grow sometimes in unexpected ways.
Share Your Story, Spread Hope
If you’re grieving, you’re not broken: you’re human. Share this post to remind others that their feelings are valid, their journey is unique, and they are never alone. Together, we can break the silence around grief and build a community of understanding, resilience, and hope.
Help us launch the Chronic Illness Hotline. Donate or share to support a lifeline for those riding the waves of health-related grief. Because every story and every person deserves to be heard.
If this resonated with you, share with a friend who needs to hear they’re not alone.
Follow us on LinkedIn, Threads, Instagram, & Facebook. Every donation, follow, and share brings us one step closer to relaunching the Chronic Illness Hotline. This blog is part of our ongoing series in support of our fundraising efforts. While generous funding is flowing to other nonprofits, we are still searching for donors and partners who truly resonate with our mission. Donate to Project Build today at chronicillnesshotline.org with a one time donation or join our Monthly Donors Circle (starting at $5/mo or $1 for our community members/those with financial hardships but big hearts. Learn more.)
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Project Build is a wholly owned Project of AnchoRRa, a registered public charity, which provides nonprofit status. Your donation is tax-deductible to the extent provided by law. More info & to donate: chronicillnesshotline.org